01 [First]

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it falters and im losing hope</>

02 [Talking to Myself]

<>i’ve been talking to myself lately, 
i’m asking for advice— slowly loosening my grip on this reality
tongue-tied, the dominos break. 
so won’t you lend me your faith? 
i’ve been talking to myself lately.
i’ve been talking to myself, earth-bound and scatter-brained.
can i thrive on pocket change? i’ve been talking to myself lately{{{{{{{
i’ve been whispering to ghosts lately.
i’m begging for more time before i’m buried deeper in the trenches of insanity.
feed me a piece of my mind. 
how’d my own molecules forsake me? atoms chained behind my back. i should be bold, i should be bold in my logic and reasoning but i just calculate my intentions {hope that won’t follow me into my old age}
i’m a moss-covered stone on a foothill and i’m tumbling
tumbl::</>

03 [Shotgun]

<>feeble bones took me to a valuable weakness
there’s no comfort in silence
no real violence in words. 
so I sharpened my blade and bowed my head before i ceased and desisted, 
and though my stomach was a ball of resistance i went straight for the course. with burns on the backs of my palms, will i regret my cause or revel in my thoughts? 
i’m caught in the winds of remorse, cause everybody knows: “what good is a sword next to a shotgun?” 
how did i
get
stuck
in this valiant position where either i’ll survive for an instant or cradle the earth? in my god-forsaken weakened pulse i knew i had to amend this, though i’ve never been a force to be reckoned or a sight to behold. 
am i biting the bullet alone? 
i know that i’d rather be bold. </>

04 [Bourbon]

<>i’m a headless horseman on quilted sand dunes. 
with my neck wide open, i pray for refuge cuz since i’ve been found, i’ve been living a life in cages— 
withering down to the champagne quicksand, wrestling doubt i’ve been dragging around for ages— 
i try to let it drain but my veins are hopeless cuz i loved in cold blood and got used to it. 
angels say trust the detox, 
but i’m shaking— i need it like bourbon in my coffee cup. 
i’m a tritone bible with misprint logic. 
i count lunar cycles with faithless prophets cuz since i’ve been found i’ve been living a life in cages— 
withering down to the champagne quicksand, wrestling doubt i’ve been dragging around for ages— 
i try to let it drain but my veins are hopeless cuz i loved in cold blood and got used to it
angles say trust the detox, but i’m shaking— i need it like bourbon in my coffee cup. 
i’m a mountain-less valley, i’ve never comforted crashing.
i’m just another stone on broken walls racing the winds in a hurricane.
i’m not as brave as i once was; 
i’ve been kicking these rocks in a river and they’ve been sinking low.
i may, i might, i won’t, but they’ve been sinking low>>>>
wont keep a promise i can’t make when they’ve been sinking low low low low
low
i loved in cold blood & got used to it. 
angels say trust the detox but im shaking—
i need it like bourbon in my coffee cup. :( </>

05 [Bone + Tissue]

<>give me more than god in a courtroom.
more than broken glass in my house shoes—
more than money on a bet that you wanna lose.
quit taking your time making time feel better and sell me something i can use to catapult my value— 
treat me like a cardinal, anointed in my vessels. 
and anytime i bite the hand that feeds, won’t you lie through your teeth and tell me i’m a monument to more than bone + tissue? 
give me more than rocks in a windshield.
more than kerosine in a minefield—
more than strangers telling me what i wanna hear.
spending all your days making days feel shorter, but sell me something i can use to catapult my value— 
treat me like a cardinal, anointed in my vessels, and anytime i bite the hand that feeds, won’t you lie through your teeth and tell me i’m a monument to more than bone + tissue? 
if i falter on my oaths, will it prove i’m more than skin and bones?</>

06 [Oh, Universe]

<>i was a pauper, fickle and bruised, wishing i could atomize these lonely lunar views— but with thorns in my ankles and rocks in my shoes… i weather through.</>

07 [Weight in Gold]

<>black dust in orbit cascades down like a parachute.
bricks on my shoulders— this gravity hurts when you know the truth. 
i’m pulling my weight in gold… call me anxious, call me broke but i can’t lift this on my own. 
we dreamt like martyrs. i never thought i was bold enough. 
you pushed me farther— and i take the blame for the both of us. 
i’m pulling my weight in gold… call me anxious, call me broke but i can’t lift this on my own. 
oh, universe— hold me up… tried your best— is it ever enough when it’s already
dragging
me
down?</>

08 [Episode]

<>so inconsistent with my passion that i threw it all out>>>>
i took it from you
so apathetic with the forces that i burned them all out>>>>
i took it from you
when the water’s rushing close, i’ll find you near the edge and save you from the meso
should have known you were gonna find out, i knew you’d find out but is it worth the episode? 
is it worth the episode?
walking through the door alone? 
is it worth the episode

{{{ifithurtsthenbabyurallineedimthinkingrealitycouldmakeitmakeitcomplete}}}

so covered up in all the fire that i never looked back>>>>
i took it from you
so agitated from the shadows
can i take it all back?>>>>
i took it from you
all ur pretty mind wants is atoms for my bones and ashes for my thoughts
i should have known you were gonna find out
knew you’d find out but is it worth the episode? 
is it worth the episode?
walking through the door alone?
is it worth the episode?</>

09 [Miyazaki]

<>
suicide. 
all the heartbreak hit like suicide. 
and u was right to point the finger at my guilty eyes, but tell me if u want me to put my pride in check so i can make it up to u.
if u want i could make ur body tremble if u want to. if u want, i could make a magic potion if u want to revive, no one has to know. {a sermon}</>

10 [Counting]

<>we built a glass monastery over the fault lines
traded our lives for a living in the shade of fallen shrines
u wrote ur name in the static— 10,000 gray dots
couldn’t decipher your message but i felt the violet noise
in the white lies, I’m fading… till my mouth dries, i’m praying i can hold my liquor like the saints do but i’m counting on u.
i lost my pride in the crater, in ancient coal mines— emulsified in dishonor i just couldn’t keep myself alive… in the white lies, i’m fading. till my mouth dries, im praying i can hold my liquor like the saints do but i’m counting on u. oh, i never never never never thought we’d live in churches— and i never meant to see them burn… and i know you didn’t deserve it but i’m counting on
u.
</>

11 [Percogesic]

<>she wants nitro when she herself’s a box of tnt— over-baptized and under-acknowledged— she lights her flame over my front door, she thinks i can make her better.
as the percogesic was tapering off and the fumes surrounded, i knew i bit off more than i can chew— a load of lewisite in my lungs, i never thought i’d be so disarmed by more than i can chew.
raised on foot binds, she stumbles through her parent’s living room. as the velvet curtains were blazing, i drew my blood over my front door and i hope she passes over.
cuz as the percogesic was tapering off and the fumes surrounded, i knew i bit off more than i can chew— a load of lewisite in my lungs, i never thought i’d be so disarmed by more than i can chew. 
i hope she passes over</>

12 [Jupiter]

<>diamonds on a silver platter weren’t enough, and u thought about each cigarette u burned for love ~~
so many others tried to crack your heart, weak defenses are the only thing you’ve got— and i was blaming you, an ego so inflated and red infatuation so strong. decades overdue, regretted all the patience… i’m sorry that i waited too long.
so if jupiter is finally fading out this time, let the fairytales we wrote about go black and white ~~
so many others tried to crack your heart, weak defenses are the only thing you’ve got, so i was blaming u with an ego so inflated and red infatuation so strong… decades overdue, regretted all the patience, i’m sorry that i waited too long.
sorry
sorry.</>

13 [Open Up]

<> if im drowning wont u take me to the waterfall?
lay stones in front of those banks and keep me underwater till im breathing? throw me in the fire till im frozen?
frozen
frozen
teach me tlll i don’t know what i’m doing?
why don’t we open up sometime? sell me that gold in ur veins— i want ur fortress next to mine, every nightmare on ur plate. can i trust that you wont mind my sanity slipping away? why don’t we open up?
if ur thirsty let me lead u to the maranjab, plant trees in spite of those rays and leave you in the sun until ur soaking, throw u in the fire till you’re frozen
frozen
frozen
teach you till u don’t know what to do.
why don’t we open up sometime? sell me that gold in ur veins— i want ur fortress next to mine, every nightmare on ur plate. can i trust that you wont mind my sanity slipping away? why don’t we open up?
let’s be the last ones. </>

14 [Skipping Stones]

<>find me skipping stones in washed up brooks, holding out for something i can’t force
what am i missing?
where’s the peace of mind i was told i’d be getting?
fading copper mines… thought i was born in a league of my own but i’m sinking
so find me skipping stones in washed up brooks holding out for something i can’t force. what am i missing?
what am i missing?
<<<<<<<<<<<<<i’ve gone for miles and miles in search of right direction~~i long to figure out but i keep on forgetting all of the lessons that i’ve learned~~how many bridges have i burned?~~when did i go missing, somewhere in the distance find me skipping>>>>>>>>>>>>stones in washed up brooks holding out for something i can’t force.
what am i missing?</>

15 [Chandra]

<>are the chemicals controlled? are they written in my native tongue, “open-ended cosmic code”?
i know i can’t be the only one cuz i’ve felt vibrations across a burgundy sea.
now i bet my head on a mission i couldn’t lead, but maybe theres a moon inside these lines— habitable and chosen.
maybe there’s a home behind these eyes waiting until my logic falters and i’m losing hope.
who knows?
who knows.</>

16 [Last]

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